I’ve been radio silent for a long time as things have been falling into place around a certain opportunity and it wasn’t until Tuesday (after I told my employer) that I felt I could make it public.
I will be taking an internship with my church, Relevant Community, starting in September. It’s a part time internship, with a nation engagement focus. I am attempting to fund raise a small salary - which is a terrifying endeavor. To say that I am excited about the internship would be an understatement.
After weeks, months of praying we really felt that this is what we were suppose to do. That this is what God is calling us toward.
I have had a bit of tunnel vision with it over the last few weeks,… ok, maybe the last month or so. I’m working to find balance in it. I am just so excited for the opportunity as well as all of the things we’ve been doing on the nation engagement team. I will hopefully be updating this more now that things are sorted and are beginning to settle some.
Confession & Prayer
Over the years I have claimed that you are the leader of my life, even going as far as earlier this year getting baptized again to publicly proclaim it… and yet, when it comes time to act, I stall. Many times during my journey, even as recently as a week ago, I have felt you calling me to a path, and instead of following, I bulked. I prayed and told you that if this thing - whatever it was/is - was really from you, prove it - “open the doors”, prove to me and others that this is what you are calling me towards. I put conditions on my submission. I am sorry.
I have prayed for you to send me, and then ignored the call. I have told you I would go where you wanted me to, and then I have stood by and waited for you to make it possible, not even just possible, but easy. I have been willing to sacrifice my life for you but not my security.Instead of obeying I required you to provide before I acted. I am sorry.
I have been selfish, arrogant, stubborn, and scared. This changes now…you won my life when you gave yours. I hear you calling me, I am getting out of the boat and leaping.
Thank you for my life, for opening my eyes, softening my heart, giving me the strength to be bold.
my life is yours,
your humbled & broken daughter
Winter is coming….
Ok, sorry I’m a nerd and that’s the motto of House Stark in George RR Martin’s books.
Anyways, it just feels like this year is flying by. It’s already mid-April. We are experiencing a Tornado watch right now. I feel like November will be here before I know it.
I’m becoming more prepared though. I received my passport in the mail last week. I had an appointment at a local Travel Agency on Thursday. Looks like they want to be to a TB skin test to get a base line, and then one vaccine (typhoid) - the others that are on the list are just two expensive (3 shots, each at approx $300) or just not effective enough. I did however get a few prescriptions - including one for Malaria, as well as some great information to help me prepare.
I’ve mentioned before that we have a guest coming to our church later this month. I’m going to pick his brain about a few things gear wise and than I’ll start getting those things. Also need to get my will signed and notarized (my mother’s request). But I’m feeling like I’m pretty on top of things considering the trip is still 7 months away.
7 months… it really will be here before we know it.
I had a rough start to my training this time around and Joe’s surgery had it’s effect on it as well. However I think I’ve gotten into the grove of it now.
This is scary to type and I’m a bit afraid I’ll mess things up somehow but honestly I feel like I’m starting to get a little bit of rhythm in my life.
My week consists of two mornings at the gym, two short runs/walks/jogs (still struggle calling them runs) during the week - usually anywhere from a mile to five, than a long one Saturday morning. Last week was 10 miles, this morning 11.25.
It was quite foggy this morning, which was more unpleasant than I would have guessed. But I finished the 11 miles (and a tiny bit more) - slower than I would have liked. My pace for my shorter ones is getting better but my longer ones is pretty slow. Still a few more weeks to go.
I have decided I think I’ll keep on doing it a few times a week after the half, I hate to admit it but I am starting to really enjoy it - the rhythm of running, the quiet time alone to think. It’s grown on me.
My training has has a lot of hiccups this year. However last week I did 9.61 miles - it wasn’t what I would call running, but I think that’s ok. My goal is to complete the half marathon. It would be great if i beat last years time - but it’s not my goal.
I also have applied for my passport and have an appointment at a travel clinic in two weeks to discuss immunizations.
We have a contact coming to town in April to share some things at church and to meet with our leadership team. We will be asking em a lot of questions about the November trip. I’m quite excited.
I sometimes feel like things aren’t progressing as quickly or as much as I think they should but then I step back and see that at least they are moving forward. It may not be at the pace I’d like but the lesson learned is that progress is progress, and forward movement is a positive. Sometimes my time isn’t right but God’s always is.
Blessing & Infinite
Last Thursday after my small group I was blessed to be invited to the airport welcome party for the family Finding Life Church is sponsoring. I can’t find the words to express how amazing it was to be there, to see the turn out, to watch from the other side - having been through it last year with Relevant and our first sponsor family. There’s so much joy and excitement. I tried to put myself in the place of the family, what it must be like to arrive in their new country for the first time. How much relief they feel that the hours of traveling are over, fear of what happens next, excitement at arriving at their new apartment. It must be such a mix of emotions. It is wonderful to be there for those moments though. To be able to share - even a little - in something that is so huge.
Years ago I read a book, the Perks of being a wallflower by Stephen Chbosky. There’s a few times when the main character talks about feeling infinite. I guess that’s what an airport welcome feels like to me, infinite. Like something so much bigger than me, so much more important - yet I’m there, experiencing it - living it - a part of this moment that will be frozen in time, in memories for so many people for years.
Birthday & Gratitude
So today is my 31st birthday and this mornings sermon was on Gratitude. I loved the sermon. I think I am a thankful person but the sermon was eye opening. I am not thankful in everything and I excited for the challenge to try to be. One thing that Ronnie asked us to do is to list things we are thankful for, I had a few and have thought of a few more.
each day, each breath
Friendships - wonderful friends to laugh with, cry with, who make soup and take care of me when I have no idea how to ask for help
Love - constant and unconditional love from God, from family and friends
My family - wonderful parents who love me, and who are silly (ie-singing happy bday to me, twice - including the sprout version) and encourage silliness in others - my fantastic brother and sister in law, my adorable niece who’s laugh and smile can change any day, and my husband-the love of my life and my best friend.
Forgiveness - the ability to accept God’s forgiveness and the gift to forgive others.
Adventure and an unknown future.
and so very much more.
So today as I celebrate another year down and I start walking in my 32nd year, I am able to say without any doubt that I am truly blessed, truly spoiled by the awesome gifts I have in my life. I get to do life, to share life with some amazing people who help to shape me as God uses them to transform me - and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I am so excited for whats to come.
Soul Searching & A Promise
In the midst of everything lately I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching. I know - to some extent - what God has for me, what my purpose is. I should say I know the who and the why but not yet the how. I’ve been praying about that, the how, the when, the where. So your prayers in that matter are appreciated. There’s a lot of uncertainty in life, but I do know that God has a plan, and that I want it. I want what He has planned for Joe and I. So prayers that I continue to seek and be still and listen.
My promise - as I sort through my rhythm, my purpose, my life and get things in place I will do my very best to update this more regularly. There have been some logistical issues that have now been solved. So it should be much easier to stay in touch and write more frequently. Honestly, when I started this thing, I was afraid, then I dreaded it, now I think I’ve grown to enjoy it. Just sitting, typing and putting all of it out there. It’s still a little scary but it’s also a tad bit comforting I think.